Hey it’s exam time but I am not going to bug everyone with the usual motivational rhetoric that all speakers like to spew during such times. I think all of us know what to do by now, if you don’t, then I don’t know what to say to you.
I would, however, like to warn everyone of the exam bombshell, yes the exam bombshell. Basically the exam bombshell is when you get dumped cheated on, or find out that your girlfriend/boyfriend was cheating on you during exam time.
Why am I warning you about this? Well it’s pretty obvious, the person asking this question is probably a very innocent first year that hasn’t dated much in life, or is a very lucky and arrogant prick who has never had their heart broken (Lemini iyeza nakuwe-This afternoon will one day come to you).
In my four-grueling years in that over-priced capitalistic racist institution of the Witwatersrand there has never been a more heart-wrenching, suicide-inducing, soul-stealing time such as exam time. I kid you not, even the most evil-bloodsipping satanist transforms into bible-bashing Jehovah’s witnesses in this time, speaking in tongues and confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord and praying for a miracle to get them to at least a 50% at the end of the year.
To top this all off in each of these four years, I have heard or encountered people who had their hearts broken right in the heart of exam time. This of course is hard to handle, and some of these people ended up failing all or some of the courses they had registered for.

For anyone who is from a middle-class family like myself, failing is a sin, I mean we spend almost R60 000 alone on university life, so we can’t afford to waist all of this on a person who wasn’t worth it in the first place.

So here are some tips on how to avoid getting your heart broken during this season:

1) Sit your loving partner down and in a soft and loving tone, warn him that if he/she even thinks of breaking your heart you will hunt some acid down from wherever you can find it and you will gently pour it all over him/her, when they least expect it and light him on fire while s/he is screaming in ‘extreme’ agony on the floor.

2) When you receive a call from your girlfriend/boyfriend saying, “We need to talk…” In a firm or heavy tone just say, “okay” but switch off your phone and avoid them for the next 3 weeks, don’t even go onto Facebook, not even BBM. I’m warning you, don’t let curiosity get the better of you, resist it and concentrate on the buff textbooks staring you right in the face.

If these 2 things don’t work, you’re in big trouble, seriously. there is no plan 3. So if you do become of a victim of an “Exam Bombshell” I want you to go on your knees, and pray.
What I can say is there is nothing worse than allowing a person who doesn’t deserve you the leverage of being the catalyst to your demise. Stand strong, study hard and give it your all.

On a more serious note, God didn’t bring you this far to leave you, just Pray like you haven’t studied, and study like you haven’t prayed.
Remember that the number one reason your parents sent you to varsity is to get an education, so make them proud, it’s the least you can do.

Twitter/ @SimonMtsukiSays