So you’re sitting with a potential girlfriend, she’s great, you guys have had a few random dates enough for her to kinda get the picture that you dig her and would like a tad more than a ‘Will and Grace’ type of situation.
You’ve pulled all the necessary stunts, you’ve taken her to the movies and grabbed a hand, even though you weren’t man enough to go for the kiss (Chicken!!!). You call her on random occasions and tell her you just thought about her and you’ve taken those long strolls where you gently push her with your hip, she pushes you back, and you push her and then you both push each other until one of you realizes it has to stop, cause somone might fool around and spring an ankle, even worse fall over the ledge. Then your chances will really be screwed.

Anyway during one of these semi-romantic days someone’s mouth got so big, they decided to talk about past relationships. Oh yes, the dreaded must-have ex’s conversation. Of course most guys hate this conversation, at least I do, I mean why can’t they just stay in the past. I do however find myself in these horrendous situations where she has talked about her ex and in an unprecedented, emotionally blackmailing kind of way I am expected to dig up scenes from my past relationship/s. We all remember the big rule right, “When a woman does something for you, you’re expected to return an equal to the deed she has done” the opposite does not apply though, she is not expected to do for you what you did for her. Don’t look confused, I don’t set the rules, I just follow them.
Anyway, so when she has spoken about her ex, you definitely have to speak about yours. If you don’t you’ll seem like a bitter old hag that hasn’t gotten over his ex, and that’s just unmanly.
So you begin…and just like we’re supposed to do, you keep it sweet enough to share that it was special, but short enough to relay that it ended, but just when you thought ya’ll can move onto the next item on the agenda, she goes back to talking about her ex. DAMN!!!!
As she carries on, you read between the oh so thin lines you and realize that this person might just not be over her ex… at least not as you would like them to be. This is not something she will tell you, but it’s usually written all over her glowing eyes and the big fat ugly smile on her face when she talks about the schmuck.

To add salt to the already exposed wound is her mentioning a character trait that we all know you lack. Like ‘he was more patient, he used to cook for me, he loved children’ or the most common, “He used to buy me lots of expensive gifts”.
After that scene from an all too familiar movie, we all know what just happened…”You just got compared” *sigh* *sigh* Heavy Sigh*
If this has ever happened to you, whether guy or girl, I would like to spare a moment of silence.

*silence*

Well quite honestly, this happens, very unfortunate, but it does.
It happens when someone:
1) Has not found closure from their past relationship.
2) Notices undesirable character traits in their ‘potential’ that they would like to change
3) Is just an ungrateful spoilt little brat that wants to have Mr./Miss Perfect when they, themselves are anything but.

The truth is when someone has not buried their past relationship, it rests as a stinking rotting corpse laying in a closet somewhere in their lives. The smell comes out in romantic settings when innocent brothers are trying to make headway, nxa.
The truth is people just need to get over their ex’s, seriously. It ended for a reason. And guess what? Relationships do end, not (always) because you (or the other party) are bad people, but because sometimes that’s what happens.

The process of closure is a very painful but necessary one, equatable to the ‘process’ of healing after an important operation. Cry, mourn, eat ice-cream, pray, listen to Tracy Chapman, and mourn some more. Just make sure that you do whatever it takes to rid yourself of the remnants of the previous person.
I’ve always said, that romantic relationships are a pretty strange concept. I mean one minute a person becomes part of your life, your mind, your heart, your laughter, a ‘prism’ through which you view this journey of life. And then suddenly you have to let them go. That takes some getting used to and many of us are tempted to keep a piece of that person with us. Some pieces bigger than others’. Some of us even bring them back for a few occasions, borrowing them from other people, other times using them to fill a void that our current partner does not fill.
I’m not going to be gentle about this. It’s sick, horrible, unfair, evil, dirty, and a by-product of naivety. And if I see you doing this I’m gonna slap you.
On the serious side though, there’s nothing with reminiscing, the problem comes when you dwell.
Your life’s fulfilment is not dependant on one person, no matter how big a role they played you can still live happily without them.

Remember that when God takes one thing from you, He is trying to make space for the better one. So please don’t stall the divine process of making you a better person, by holding on to the former things. It’s tough I know, but it’s better to suffer in the short-term and benefit in the long-term, than benefit in the short-term but suffer in the long-term.

Happy Loving My Peeps.

-SGM