So this Sunday I came back from a pretty long spiritual day to find a copy of FAIRLADY on our sofa, I looked around the house and everybody was asleep, the only sound was that of those loud cowardly crickets. So I surveyed the house just to make sure everybody was asleep, I locked all the doors and switched off all the lights, buried myself in the deepest darkest corner of the house with a torch in my hand to ensure that nobody would walk in on me with this incriminating piece of evidence.
Why did I go through a women’s magazine? Well there are quite a few things that guys are privy to, that allow us to peak into the complex minds of women. I mean if we are not allowed to know a woman’s age, or go into a woman’s handbag or be a fly on the wall during their slumber parties, the least we can do is spy on their most treasured pieces of literature.

Of course I didn’t go through all the literature, but I went through as many pages and browsed through a couple of articles, just to get the gist of what a woman’s magazine contains and I have come, Gentlemen, with a comprehensive report back.

Through my extensive research of the women’s magazine I have come to the conclusion that women talk about everything…EVERYTHING!!!!
Sex, Success, Fashion, Feminism, Health, Relationships, Business, and sometimes even politics. Noh maan, these women are too much maan.

All of us know that women are not the most rational of all the species but we can all agree they are the more well rounded beings.
I mean they are the more likely to live longer, more likely to stick around for their kids, raising them with the little that they have…and the more likely to go to church. Yeah you heard me, I mean nigga’s runaway from church like they run from a woman who wants to get married soon.
If you ever want to see a live disappearing act, don’t go to those overpriced circus thingies, mention church or marriage to your boyfriend.

Women are more well rounded than men! Well,
I mean sure we men invent light bulbs, fight injustices, write stunning poetry, and become great leaders in business and politics…but we also start wars that kill innocent people, say bad things about Botswana (LMAO), create weapons of mass destruction and pick fights with the bouncers…I mean we can get really smart, but really dumb too.

We boast really great men like Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan, Thabo Mbeki, Nkwane Nkrumah and Steve Jobs but we also have some epic fails, factory faults of sorts namely, Robert Mugabe, Benny McCarthy, Muammar Gadhaffi, (may his soul rest in peace, but he was a clown), OJ Simpson and that nigga down the road who insists on spending his whole mothers salary on a carvella, red-skinny-jeans, a floral shirt and a DMD cap.

I just took a tangent, let me come back. The overall well being of women counts in their favour, I mean what do women do when their friend comes through with a big fat pimple on the side of their nose?
Well other than a bit of gossip, most of her friends will try and suggest ways in which she can get rid of the pimple by recommending treatment or one of the other chemicals they have stocked up in the scientific laboratory they call the bathroom.
What will niggas do? An hour of comedy over another brother’s pimple.

What happens when a lady comes back crying that her boyfriend of 4 years has cheated on her with his secretary? A night or two of ice-cream, chocolate and comforting.
What happens when a nigga is distraught over a girlfriend cheating? A conversation quite like this, “Nigga We told you to get rid of that chick before you started getting attached, we told you!!!”

What happens when a lady looks crappy at a classy do? Friends give fashion advice.
What do nigga’s do? They pretend as if their friend is not wearing black shoes with red socks, and light blue pants, they let it go and assume ‘fashion is for the ladies anyway.’

I am not about to suggest that we start writing all these different magazines, but I will say that we need to start being comfortable enough to discuss petty matters. Of course we men have natural tendencies to discuss matters of national importance like the economy, politics, the springboks and which body type is the most suitable to enlarge the population with, but we should also throw in some petty things like:
*What type of personality types you are attracted to,
*How to colour code a suite, tie and shirt (seriously I’m tired of seeing brothers wearing striped suite, striped tie and striped shirt),
*What not to say on a first date (you would be surprised how many men have just screwed up the first date, talking about the ‘A’ they got in matric and made us all look bad in the process).

Let’s have these discussions as men, as a matter of fact let’s include these convo’s over a braai this Dezemba.

-SGM