Recently I was talking to a friend of mine about a certain life-changing decision she is about to make. She laid out the facts to me, after a pretty sober analysis of the facts she went on to tell me about how she feels about this decision,  she expressed that this is something she really desires but she has a belief that this might not be the right decision.

After giving me an analysis of the situation, she turns to me, like we all do to our friends when we feel conflicted and asks, “What do you think I should do?”

Naturally, because I am not a prophet, I don’t know what she should do. I don’t think there is a right or a wrong answer here. I think there are choices with consequences and she should weigh all of these cost/benefit scenario’s and pick the one she feels most comfortable with.

However, as she was explaining all this to me, I had a light bulb moment. It’s as if her conflict had so much wisdom both for her and I. You know when a person feels conflicted, their presentation of the problem usually has the solution in it.

IN MY OPINION there is a difference, in life, between what you THINK is right, what you FEEL is right and what you BELIEVE is right.

What you think is right is based on the objective facts, the data that you have in front of you. If you are a business person considering to buy another business the facts are the numbers on the financial statements, (the EBITDA, The Net asset value, the net cash position) the market research, the quality of management etc.

If you are a professional looking to make a career move, the facts are the remuneration, the geographical move, the career advancement, the different projects you will be working on, the type of teams you will be working with and on and the educational advancement offered to you.

If it is a relationship, the facts are the compatibility, the quality of person, family background, religious beliefs and devotion to you and professional background of the person.

These are all hard facts.

What you FEEL is right is something based on sensual and/or emotional desires. It isn’t based on fact-gathering but how the decision makes me feel inside.

The sense of emotional and sensual satisfaction it will give me (and I need you to think of sensual in the ‘senses’ context).  These could be good or bad depending upon which lens you are looking at it

“This business decision will give more money so I can fulfil my dream of buying a Ferrari, (feel good decision).

Or “it will help me save jobs and contribute to the community that I grew up in.” (feel good decision).

“Working in this company position will be good for my social status, I mean my friends are working at bigger companies.” (feel good decision)

“Working with these high calibre people will help me advance my thinking, exposure, and stimulate me intellectually” (feel good decision)

“Dating this guy will be good for my kids, he looks cute, we will have cute fair skinned babies” (feel good decision)

“This person makes me want to be a better person, they believe in me, and they care about me as a person and what we can do together and not necessarily what I can give to them.” (Feel good decision).

All of these decisions are based on how they make me feel, they satisfy my emotions and senses.

What you BELIEVE is right, however, is something bigger than you. It is first based on the principles which you hold close to heart and which you believe are beneficial beyond the facts and the emotional desires have been satisfied. AND/OR if you believe in God, it is based on whether you believe in Him and that He is who he says He is and will do what He says He will do.

But to simplify the discussion lets remain with our previous explanation: principles are beliefs which you hold close to heart and which you believe are beneficial, way beyond the facts and the emotional desires have been satisfied.

 It is what undergirds the emotional and mental beliefs and steers a person’s life into what they believe their destiny is.

People who based their lives on facts can be very successful and calculated. People who base their decisions on emotions are satisfied only temporarily, they chase and chase this satisfaction but the goalposts are always moving, and their resultant irritation with these fleeting desires consumes them. Oh and they will leave you (as an employee, business partner or lover) once they satisfy whatever gaping need they had before.

Both of the people above can usually sacrifice any moral belief they had, in pursuit of either the objective facts or emotional feeling.

People who pursue what they think is right (principles) are always grounded, they have their feet on the ground, although they can sometimes sacrifice reality, important relationships and important pursuits above, to achieve their “groundedness”.

I believe that in order for you to be real satisfied, both in the short and the long-term you have to satisfy all the above checkpoints. Yes all 3. You have to think, feel and believe that something is right for you to achieve real satisfaction.

If you eliminate one then you have an imbalance.

If you only “think” and “believe” that it is right, then sooner or later it will lack passion…and I don’t see nothing wrooooong with a little passion here and there.

If you only believe and feel that something is right, without the objective data you will pursue causes that don’t have the effect they are supposed to. You feel good but you don’t strive and achieve. Trust me, I’ve been here I know

If you think and feel that something is right but do not believe that it is right, then you throw away the foundation of the house. It can be the most beautiful house in the estate but sooner or later it will come tumbling down. Principles hold it up, emotions can’t t hold it up because they are too fickle, facts can’t because they also change, e.g. The economy.

Of course, different situations will require a different level of considerations at different seasons. And the considerations change as situations change.

My friend went for the decision based on her thoughts and her feelings, she shelved her beliefs because on the top thoughts and feelings. I personally disagree with her decision. I think what will happen is that she sooner or later ‘manyol’ will hit the fan and she will realize that she should’ve factored in her belief.

Or, she will use her feelings and facts to over-ride her beliefs and even when things go wrong, the satisfaction derived from the two will overcome the foregone belief.

Or, she didn’t believe what she said she believed in the first place.